Courage

Comparisons

My wife does most of the shopping in our family, especially when it comes to buying produce. However, last week my wife asked me to buy some cucumbers.  As I came across the bin, I had to ask myself, how do I know which cucumber is the best, so I began squeezing them, thinking that if one were less squishy, it probably would be better.  I personally have no interest in biting into a squishy cucumber. 

I suppose we do that with most of the things we buy.  Comparison is the main method by which we decide things.  Which bag of milk is freshest?  Which car gets the best mileage?  Which laptop is a Mac?

What interests me though is how we compare ourselves to others.  Thomas Shadwell, a 17^th Century Poet said that “No man is happy but by comparison”.  Strange words for a poet that was born 100 years after Shakespeare. 

I disagree with Shadwell.  It all depends on whom you compare yourself to.  If I compare my looks to Bradley Cooper or Brad Pitt…or some other Brad, I’ll probably be unhappy.  But if I compare myself to Shrek, I’ll probably feel good about myself.

Isn’t the same thing true with my finances, or dancing ability? This is especially true when it comes to morality.

This is an area where we almost always compare down isn’t it?  I may not be perfect, but at least I’m better than that guy who drinks and drives.  Of course, the drunk driver is saying that he’s better than the his neighbour who beats his kids. 

But what if we compared ourselves to perfection?  In all my years of youth ministry I’ve only ever met one kid who thought he was perfect…and everyone around him could tell you that he was wrong.

So how do we do when we compare ourselves to Jesus, whom the bible tells us was perfect?

It really doesn’t matter who happens to be worse than me when I realize how I compare to Jesus.  And when I compare myself to perfection it highlights how far from perfect I actually am.  I feel like the squishiest cucumber in the bin.

But I don’t think God wants us going through life feeling like squishy cucumbers.  He gave us the gift of life and He wants us to experience it to the full.  That’s why Jesus gave up Heaven to come to earth.  He lived a perfect life so that He could die for all of MY imperfections…and yours too. 

The bible tells us that if we believe in our heart and confess with our mouths that Jesus is who He says He is; then we will be saved.  When that happens Jesus’ perfection covers over our imperfection.

So I’ll ask you what I’ve asked hundreds of teenagers.  How do you compare to Jesus?  And is there any reason why you wouldn’t want Him to cover your imperfections?

"Equality" isn't "fair"

 My wife and I love to read.  Even more, I love that this enjoyment of reading has been passed on to my children.  Even my youngest, who can’t yet read, loves to curl up with a picture book.

Over the past few years I have read through longer novels with my son.  We’ve gone through C.S. Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia, which I would highly recommend, and now we are working our way through L’Engle’s “A Wrinkle in Time”.  This is a book that I’ve been aware of for years, but never got around to reading.  I can’t say I’m finding it as enjoyable as Narnia, but it’s decent.

Last night we read a scene in chapter 9 in which the main character has an epiphany that: “Alike and Equal are not the same thing at all.”  Another way to say this that “fair and equal are not the same” and this is a truth that our family has had to learn to appreciate over the years.  I imagine yours has as well.  Usually these lessons are preceded with the statement: “No fair”.

An example:  My son is 9 years old; my daughters are 7 and 5.  They are different in many ways, and we don’t try to treat them as though they were the same.  We endeavour to treat them fairly, but that doesn’t mean we treat them equally.  Bedtime is a good example.  We’ve always tried to get our kids to bed reasonably early.  We usually start the process around 7:30 and my daughters, who share a room, go through the routine and we turn the lights out.  My son goes through the routine, and then we let him read until 8:30, depending on certain variables.  “No fair!” cries one of the girls.  We haven’t treated them equally, and that seems unfair.  Rather than using the adage “life isn’t fair” which, although true, wouldn’t really help the situation at that moment, we try to explain that “fair” doesn’t mean “equal”.  Because he’s older, it wouldn’t be “fair” to treat them “equally”.

Another side of this discussion is when we bring the idea of “Value” into the equation.  Just because we let our son stay up later, doesn’t mean we “value” him more than our girls, it simply means that they are different and it’s fair to treat them differently.

There has been a lot of discussion in our culture lately about equality.  And I think that there is a confusion that suggests that if people aren’t treated exactly the same, it means they aren’t valued, when really; it just means that there are differences that should be considered.  Again, an example:  Men and Women are different.  It seems that some would even question that statement; some would suggest that gender is in our imagination.  I don’t have the space in this post to tackle that subject, but I would suggest that there are very clear differences between Men and Women, certainly physically, and arguably otherwise as well.  Men and Women should not be treated equally in all circumstances.  They should be treated fairly in all circumstance, but fair doesn’t mean equal.  Every person should be treated as equally valuable, because in God’s eyes each person is so valuable that He was willing to trade His Son, Jesus, for them.

As a Christian, I am called to love everybody, to treat everyone as valuable.  That doesn’t mean that I’m supposed to treat everyone equally.  That wouldn’t be fair.

Joy & Pain

In 1988, Rob Base & DJ EZ Rock released a song called Joy & Pain.  It’s a classic tune that holds up quite well today.  I don’t dance, but this song makes me wish I did  Seriously, give it a listen.  If you don’t like this song, you don’t like 80’s hip-hop…but that’s not really what this post is about.

Our church has been working through a series on the book of James in the Bible.  One of the strangest verses at first glance is James 1:2.

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.”

Seems strange doesn’t it?  Why would anyone be joyful about trouble?  Well, James goes on to say that when trouble comes, it’s an opportunity for growth.  When pain comes, it’s an opportunity for joy.  It’s not the pain that brings us joy; it’s the way we react to the pain and the results that come about because of it. 

I’ll take it a step further; at the same time taking a step back.  Hey, maybe I can dance after all. 

First, to step back; most of the Psalms in the bible were written about 1000 years before James was alive.  The Psalms speak a lot about joy.  They also speak a lot about pain.  The author of Psalm 43 connected joy and pain long before James did.  Now here’s where we step forward.  Psalm 43:4 says:

“There I will go to the altar of God, to God—the source of all my joy.

I will praise you with my harp, O God, my God!”

James tells us that pain leads us to the opportunity for joy.  This Psalm tells us how it works.  Pain drives us to our knees.  Pain drives us towards God.  God is the source of our joy. 

C.S. Lewis wrote about this almost 2000 years after James.

“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

This doesn’t necessarily mean that God causes our pain.  The amazing thing is that God is present regardless of what we’re feeling.  We just tend to be more aware of Him when we are hurt.  We have a choice about how we respond to our pain.  We can blame Him for our pain, or we can come to the realization that we can experience joy despite the pain.  We can come to the realization that our circumstances don’t dictate whether we experience joy or not.  Joy is the natural result of closeness with God, through Jesus Christ.  Joy is the natural result of having the Holy Spirit in our lives.  If your pain drives you towards Jesus, then celebrate the pain. 

This also means that our joy isn’t dependent on other people.  People can rob your joy, only if you let them.  This doesn’t mean they can’t hurt you, but again, people don’t dictate whether we experience joy or not.  Only our response to Jesus will decide whether we have joy.

So, when you experience pain, let it drive you towards the One that is the source of all our joy.  Let Jesus carry your pain, and you can dance with joy!

A poem about Courage

This is a spoken word poem that I wrote, but here, you just get to read it.
It was written for a friend that is fighting cancer, and partly inspired by another that fought it all the way to the end.

COURAGE

I want to tell you about courage tonight.

I want to enlighten our thoughts that I might encourage those that need it.

And although I concede the point that I claim to have insight despite my inexperience, I have the sense that Courage has many different faces

Courage is defined as the quality of mind or spirit that lets you face difficulty, danger or pain without fear.

And I hear what they’re saying, but I don’t fully agree

You see, I believe that the dictionary’s got it all wrong, or at least not all right

Because that’s just one part courage. And sure, it might be the most exciting.

It ignites an internal fire, inspiring us to fight like we’re invincible. To live life to its fullest. 

But it’s also the most rare, and I swear it’s the dumbest definition of courage there is.

People face difficulty, danger and pain with fear because those things are hard, dangerous and they hurt.

And I’m no expert, but if you don’t have, at least a healthy fear of that, well, let me be clear, I don’t see that as courageous, I just believe you’re naïve,

So if you don’t mind, I’m going to change how courage is defined. 

I’m going to remove the word “Without” and I’m going to trade it with the word “Despite”. As in “Courage is the quality of mind or spirit that let’s you face difficulty, danger or pain DESPITE fear. “

And that’s it right there.  Courage is that thing inside that won’t let you hide even though you might be terrified.  It’s not the lack of fear that makes you brave; it’s standing up even when you’re afraid, it’s fighting back when fear attacks you; getting back up when fear knocks you down; walking one step forward, when everything inside you wants to run away.

Sometimes courage is…

Simply facing the next day, talking to your kids when you have no idea what to say

Allaying their fears, while yours are trying to tear you down.  Giving it everything you’ve got not to frown, just so they can smile for a while.

Sometimes courage is…

Going 8 rounds in the ring with Chemo. Losing pound after pound, feeling like you’re being pounded into the ground by some faceless thing, but climbing up again each time til finally you win and can ring that bell.  Being given the champion’s belt only to be dealt an illegal blow, felt in your very soul, being told you’ve gotta get back in there and do it all over again.  Courage is you saying “pass me my gloves, this time I’m putting him down for the count!”

Sometimes Courage is…

Felt in the amount of time you spend doing nothing.  Sitting, Waiting, hating the boredom that comes; debating if you’ve got the energy to twiddle your thumbs before the monotony becomes unbearable.  This terrible sea of doldrums, that can only be defined by the time it takes the second hand to find its way around the dial.  Courage is the power to wile away those hours, tying yourself to the mast, exploring the vast ocean of time; willing yourself to circumnavigate the clock.

Sometimes courage is…

Being able to block it all out.  Being able to talk about something, anything other than Cancer.  Dancing around conversations but still seeing it, hearing it everywhere; a constant stream of reminders, seemingly designed to grind you down.  Courage is a refusal to be defined by a condition.  It’s giving yourself permission to decide when and where and what you share.

Sometimes courage can be found in your hair, or lack thereof.  It’s shopping for a wig that fits you like a glove and wearing it with pride ignoring the pain you felt when you cried the first time you saw the clumps in the shower drain.  And sometimes courage is taking it off, going out and saying that even if they all stare, you still dare to declare that BALD IS BEAUTIFUL!

Sometimes courage is…

Refusing to withdraw.  It’s taking the time the Dr’s given you and going on a living spree, giving it up as a down payment on eternity.  Investing it. Measuring success not in length but in quality.  Unlike a miser hoarding it to his last dime, you take that time and you spend it. Mending torn relationships, lending it to those who can never pay it back.

And sometimes courage is…

Simply trusting in God, even when His plans seem flawed, even when it seems you’ve been plodding along for so long, He must’ve gone off and forgotten you; when you’ve fought and cried and bled and are ready to break.  Courage is choosing to believe that He will never forsake you.

So let’s not make the mistake that Courage can be defined by using the word “without”.  Courage has more to do with what’s “within”.  So be encouraged, to all those who are scared, being brave doesn’t mean you’re not afraid to die, it simply means that you stare that fear in the eye and say: “You can try to beat, batter and bruise me, but I refuse to lose one more inch of ground.  I choose to turn this thing around.  I may be afraid, but I’m not backing down.

Cause you see, I’ve got Courage!”

Sympathy for the Beebs (or is it Biebs?)

I recently watched a 6-minute TMZ video of Justin Bieber’s deposition for some crime he is standing trial for.  There’s a lot of talk on Facebook and Twitter about this video.  So far everything I’ve seen has been about what a horrible person Bieber is.  Some of the more printable descriptors I’ve seen: “Smug”, “self-important”, “arrogant”, etc.

And I’d have to agree.  The video does make him seem that way.  But I think it’s cheap and easy to leave it at that.

I saw something else in the video.  I saw a young man who is tired.  Tired and scared.   Actually “young man” may not be accurate.  In a lot of ways Justin is still just a boy.  He just turned 20, so he’s certainly old enough to be considered a man, but when you consider what his life has been like, I would argue that he is just starting to grow up.

Justin was “discovered” in 2008, he was just entering into his teen years.  He had music superstars “fighting” for him.  He had a manager, millions of fans; he was flying all around the world playing for sold out stadiums.  Doing whatever he was told by people who knew how to squeeze out every single dollar’s worth of him.  And my guess is that no one ever told him “No”.

I can only imagine what I would’ve been like in his shoes.  When I think about the kinds of things I was doing at that age, without the money; the fame; the opportunity for trouble he’s had, all I can do is shake my head.  Actually, given who I am, I imagine that if I were in his shoes, I would’ve done exactly what he did.  I would’ve listened to my handlers, I would’ve come of squeaky-clean for as long as I could’ve handled it, and then I would’ve rebelled.  I would’ve started testing my boundaries; see how far I could go until someone told me “No”.

I’m not suggesting that Justin is innocent.  We’re all accountable for the decisions we make.  But I am suggesting that he’s not the only guilty one.  I’m guilty; anyone who watched that deposition video is too.  Everyone who ever clicked on his Youtube videos or bought his album or followed him on Twitter; that fact that you’re reading this right now, we’re all guilty.  We’re guilty of creating a culture that eats up kids childhoods and then spits them out when what their doing isn’t cute anymore. 

And it isn’t just Justin.  Miley Cyrus has been in the news lately for sowing her wild oats.  Amanda Bynes and Lindsey Lohan have well documented run-ins with the law.  I’ve heard that Demi Lovato and Vanessa Hudgens, both once squeaky-clean Disney girls, have been connected to stories of drugs or nudity or both.  Before this crop of stars, there was Britney Spears.  Before Britney, there was Macaulay Culkin from Home Alone, Corey Haim and Corey Feldman.  Even little Stephanie from “Full House”; Jodie Sweetin went off the rails.  River Phoenix, Drew Barrymore, the kids from “Diff’rent Strokes” Dana Plato and Todd Bridges, and the list could go on.  You start to wonder if the kids who make it through without going wild are the exception to the rule.

And again, every time we buy a CD, or more likely now, download a song; every time we watch a TV show or a movie, or buy a magazine, or click on a link to read a story, we become a part of the culture that grinds these kids up.

And it’s easy for us to watch Justin’s 6 minute video and trash him, because we have no idea what it’s like to be him.  It’s easy to look down on him and call him names for spitting on his fans, because we have no idea how it feels to have to always smile and be cordial to a bunch of screaming kids that hound your every step.

And again, I’m not saying that Justin’s innocent.  I think the way he’s been acting has been terrible.  I just think that it is hardly surprising.  And more to the point I think it’s hypocritical of us to care enough about him to chastise his behaviour, but not care enough about what we all have done to help produce the person he’s become.

The worst thing about all of this is that I don’t think much can be done about it.  We could talk about the need to stop putting kids on pedestals just so we can tear them down.  We could say that we should stop buying their CD’s; watching their movies; reading about them in magazines or stop following them on Twitter.  But the sad truth is that as long as there is an entertainment industry, people will be “discovering” child stars.  They’ll be a big deal for a few years and then they’ll stop being cute.  Some will transition well; the rest will be destroyed by the same machine that built them up.  The lucky few will go to rehab and find a way to start over.  Meanwhile the next big thing will be following in their footsteps.

What I’m going to do is pray for Justin.  And I’ll try to pray for the next kid on the conveyor belt too.  I’ll pray that someone tells them “No” before the police have to.  And I’ll also pray for my own kids.  I’ll pray that they won’t help feed the machine that eats up others just like them.  I’ll talk to them about the difference between appreciating someone’s talents and abilities, and putting someone on a pedestal that is impossible to live on for more than a few busy years.

Don’t excuse Justin’s behaviour, but consider what role you’ve played in creating a culture that has helped make him the person he is.  Pray for him and others.  And maybe, have a little sympathy for the Beebs.